Conflict

Describe a time when you decided to express your feelings in a conflict. Why did you decide to speak up? What were the results? Where you able to resolve the conflict? If so, how? If you did not resolve the conflict, which of the conflict strategies presented in your textbook do you think could have or would help resolve the conflict? You should consider utilizing some of the terms about conflict in your answers (pgs. 142-148).

Not too long ago, a friend and I got into a pretty nasty argument. I was not agreeing with her actions and attitudes towards me or other people, so I spoke up and asked her why she was acting in such a way. It instantly became a Destructive Conflict, as she became defensive towards me, and I to her. She basically told me that I was treating her awfully and being mean to her, and I told her that her actions and attitudes towards me and others was quite unfair. I told her that I felt like she didn't need me or others, and that she made me feel like I was completely inferior. Even to this day, I still feel like she secretly doesn't want me around, and that little argument solidified it. It ended with me walking out before I said something I would regret. 

This conflict arose because I felt as if she was treating me and others unfairly, and she would even take her anger out on me in forms of snapping and harsh words. I decided to speak up because I have deal with people who treated others like this, and I knew that if I let it go it would only get worse. I spoke up because I knew there needed to be a change. 

Somewhere closer to an hour later, we began speaking again. At first, it was long messages over the phone explaining what we were feeling and why we were acting how we were. This turned our Destructive Conflict into a Constructive Conflict. We focused on the issue that we had on hand -- our feelings. We discussed what we wanted to see or how we wanted to be treated, and we eventually resolved the problem. Sure, we marked it off as a misunderstanding, but we both took note of how the other felt. I still feel like I am walking on eggshells by her, however, as I believe that she still doesn't want me there unless she needs something, but we are at least on good terms. 

To many arguments today are Destructive Conflicts. People are attacking each other, insulting each other, and they make it seem like a competition. This isn't helping anyone, and it is actually causing more harm than good. I believe people should take a deep breath and try to resolve problems by turning it into a Constructive Conflict. This is so much easier, and it focuses on the issue, is based on respect, and actually helps product a resolution. Conflict is a normal, everyday thing. How it ends all determines on how people handle it.